Sunday, July 16, 2017

Hope or Not Hope? (Or the Law of Attraction)

I'll admit until a few months I was a very negative and pessimistic person.  I'd argue that anyone who self-harms or has a negative outlook on life is a lot like that.  You don't think that you are being negative, rather you believe, deep down you are being realistic.  You don't dare think that what you are doing from day to day matters, but you do it, because it's habit.

Then something gets you down, and you just want to start all over again.  Trouble is you start and you are still in a bad place. You want to be at point a, b, c, and e already and you are still stuck on "-A."  You want to show the world that you have improved and accomplished something of value, and you want to be there to show... come hell or high water, but darn it all, you can't.  You can't believe in yourself, and you are surrounded by challenges you don't want, and believe you don't need. You have no more hope.

Should you hope?

I feel that, in a way it can be about the law of attraction, now, I am not a big proponent of the whole concept of the law of attraction, (where you think it to get it) but I am very certain that you become what you think and who you spend time with.  I can hope for better, and want something better, but if I'm not willing to be very uncomfortable for a long time, it will not happen.  I'm still stuck at point A or worse, two steps behind.

Now, I can argue it's because of someone else, but if that someone else still is in my life doing the same things that drive me over the edge, I'm hurting myself. It won't stop until I take action, and for me this will be a positive action.  I've given myself hope that I can become a stronger and a better person.  To stay in the same situation means I have lost hope.  I've lost it, and over time I will become a worse person because of it.

That would be what the law of attraction, or hope will do.  The difference is it's not a mind set, but a way of life. It's the action, what you do to get where you want to go, because you can not simply think things will get better, you have to do them, and then and only then will positive things happen in your life.

In my last example: the person who is negative in your life, who is not the type of person whom you want to be around will protest.  They might not even forgive you for your positive actions.  They might complain you have changed, and the truth is that they are correct.  You have, but you are not responsible for their life, it is your own.  That is where the power, and the hope lies.  You have the power to change you with your daily actions.  You have the power to hope for more, and to be more, that is the power of the law of attraction, you attract what you are working towards.

Others might not like it, but it is your responsibility to change you- and not them.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

First, Forgive

First, Forgive
I've made mistakes.  I've done things which probably should be done.  I've ranted, I've raved, I've pushed too hard, or too little.  I've grown, I've fallen back, I've stopped, and started.

I can't be human without making mistakes, and I can't be me without my hangups and challenges.  Or can I be more than the sum of my broken parts? Can I be the one who can take where I am right now and grow from there?  Is there a way I can change who I am, my past and my future?

This is where I have my hangup, I understand in words at least that my past is my past and my future is not yet determined, but I am unable to remain in the present.  Because I am creative, or because I can't stay in the present moment, I have a choice.  In this stage of my life I've learned that my choices have always been there, but the element I was missing was forgiveness.

For myself, from myself.

Forgiveness is a powerful weapon.  You can tell someone you're sorry and go from there, but you can also do much more harm than good.  I always "forgave" people when they would attack me, disrespect my views, or outright dismiss me.  I would always forgive them no matter what.  That's what I was taught to do.  Unfortunately, this doesn't work.  Forgiveness does not work this way.

I was still the one being humble, the one expected to be the bigger person and say "I'm sorry" or apologize or whatever the term of the day might be. Whatever it was, I never felt whole or even happy after saying sorry or asking for forgiveness.  Perhaps because I never felt that the other person changed.  The anger became an excuse not to plan, and it became the reason to hurt.

Frist, forgive.

I would say it better, first forgive myself. If I need to walk away from a relationship which does not help either person.  If I need to stop what I am doing for a while, even though in everyone else's view I am a success.  If I need to rebuild a broken friendship, or a broken relationship of any sort because of (a valid reason) something I know I did.  I must first forgive myself.

My responsibility is to forgive myself. It is not to forgive others. Then move on to my present, where my life is now.

Part of what destroyed me, was the fact I was still angry, still in a mentally bad place where I was the one who would hurt myself because that is how unresolved anger works.  That is how unresolved sadness works.  The pain from it should have been my lesson.  Rather it became my scars.

I am learning step by step to forgive myself.  For myself and not because I need to, but rather because I want to.  Because the alternative is to focus on the past and that is not a way to grow as a person.  It won't help my healing, and it would be the ultimate irresponsibility on my part.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Planning The Way You Need To

I'm not the best person when it comes to planning anything.  I tend to have a million ideas, and plans at the go at once.

Focused?  No, not really.  I'm rather selfish when it comes to making plans and keeping them.  I mean really who loves to have a plan broken?  I'm sad to say, my method of planning doesn't work.  It's not that it's not focused, but rather that because all of them are focused, I can't stick to one.
Planning is something you need to do... but

I write down the plans, and then rewrite them.  I think of colour coded things, and of doing the plans, and of maybe tweaking the ones I have at the moment.  I write them down, I put up the dates, the plans, the hours of work.


It's true, I do have plans, but it's not the way I need to plan them.  The trouble is that I get past the thinking part and get into the planning part.  The writing down, the work of putting it from an idea to an action.  The challenge that I have in my planning is that I can not focus enough on the actions.  I am not the best at saying no.  I can not help but feel bad when I say no or when something doesn't work out the way I might want.

I know it's to do with boundaries.

When I was younger I had too many boundaries, the ones of "you're too little" or "you can't do that" or worst still I would get the planning done and then someone would take over. The boundaries were not for me, but for them.  In some cases they are still there.

Not healthy.

The boundaries are killing me, and they are boundaries I need to break.  Breaking old boundaries takes time.  It also takes effort to make others understand I am growing and changing.  Even with people who matter to me, it means I need to work on the action part of planning.

My planning needs to start with some boundaries:

1) Respect of my own plans.  No one has the ability to change my plans, unless I let them.

2) Respect of my own actions.  It's only myself who is responsible.  I have made the plans, and I can prove that they are sound, but I don't respect myself enough to do the actions I wait for others.

3) Protecting my boundaries.  There are enough people in life who don't respect your plans, and will bully you out of them.  By protecting my boundaries, I can learn to create the actions I need.  

4) Having a set time frame.  Now, with a set time frame I am looking for responsibility and for understanding.  The time frame can be my own, but needs to be planned in.  If I can't do it, it is my responsibility to re-create it.

5) Planning is about healing.  If I am going to change I need to do it on my own terms.  A plan will work, if I am willing to do the challenging effort.