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Healing From Big Expectations

What is the best thing about being more creative?

Hint: Don't write goals... at least at the moment.

Don't misunderstand me, writing down goals are important, except when they are too big.  I've done it, where a goal can't be managed and I feel defeated.  I set myself up.  At least I can't blame something like the law of attraction- I did it myself.

I looked at the recent writing goals I had.  They were written about a year and a bit ago,. The only problem is they were something like this: "I'll write 2,000 words today."  The last time I wrote 2,000 words a day was in college, about 30 years ago.

I know I can't write 2,000 words in one day.  

I set myself up to fail, and then I hate what I've done, and hate myself for writing that goal.  In the end, I hate the fact I considered how bad I was as a writer, and eventually as a person. MY goals- and MY habits broke me. I lost hope, and lost myself.

I hated to be near the computer, and I hated to be near people, because, I didn't want to admit that my goals where unrealistic to anyone, anywhere, and that I was wrong.  I did exactly what I said I wouldn't do- be the person who made over the top goals. There were too many and too much anger and bitterness than I wanted to admit.

Being creative in a different way means that not only can you help but you can heal. At least from making BIG goals.

When you hate doing something, you're not going to do it. By the end of last year, I was avoiding writing, and healing my body, my mind and my heart. I couldn't describe it, nor did I want to dig down.  My saving grace was walking away. Improving myself and learning to be a better person, and a better writer.

If I hadn't, my mental state would be far worse than what it is now, my life would be more of a disaster than it is at the moment. It's getting back to a state of feeling I have some sort of creative juice- to write, and to be on YouTube. It's a start and I'm good with the start.

It helped me heal.

I don't have goals right now, and I'm good with this.  I just want to write, and that is a good beginning.

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