Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Being Creative Means Healing

I'll make it clear right now, when I say creative I'm going beyond the usual things of writing it down, or finding a craft to do, but rather looking at a stronger way of healing.

Every person has something to heal from.  I know the only way to begin the process of healing is by beginning something- from a place where you understand you can heal.  I'm not saying this for growth but I'm saying it as a starting point.

When I came to the conclusion that I wasn't where I wanted to be in my life, I needed to find something to hold on to.

I want you to look at that statement for a moment.  "When I" it's not about making someone else happy or finding that right person, place or thing that you think will make you happy this is when the change begins.  For myself, because I internalized anger and was a person who felt forced to be more "bubbly" more "open" filled with this "joie de vivre," I would never want to be angry at anyone.  The only problem with this unhealthy method was I was prone to outburst of anger to the very people whom I should have rationally told them before it got to the point of fury and harsh words.

After this point I would feel extreme self-loathing, and hurt and pure anger with me.  For a long while the answer to this was to turn the pain outward, and on myself. I would hide, deny, or belittle myself for being angry.

I don't think there was a real "rock bottom" more of a point when I realized that if I continued down the road I would, and could so serious damage to myself, and emotional damage to those around me.

That was my when.  

My when lead me down many paths, at first, it was writing in a journal, but I feared someone finding the deeper parts of me, where I could not hide or deny or let my guard down.  It hurt, it was hard to trust my own instincts, and trust is not something which can be made - or bought.

Over the years, and I do mean years, I began to learn about myself, and the beginning of how a more minimalist creative lifestyle is leading to healing.

One of the biggest things that I began with was creating a space for myself.  I saved up for a bedroom set which I wanted and which spoke to me.  Right now the bedroom is my place to find a restful sleep and to do a bit of evening reading.

The next thing was getting rid of excess baggage.  The last few months, I have begun to go through things and remove and sell and also donate.  I've felt lighter, more positive and have a sense of freedom that I didn't before.

One of the things I am starting to do is to find what I really want.  What moves me.  To begin with I started simple.  I figured out what I loved, I love the colour purple.  I also let myself love my self again.  One of the things I did was toss, and donate the clothes and other items which didn't speak to me.  This took me about two weeks to do.

I did the same with my books.  The ones which I hadn't read in years, the ones I had bought with the "I will read them." In short the ones which didn't make me feel creative, or help my growth.

I also looked at what sort of animal caught my eye.  I mentioned this in the last post but the one which speaks to me the most is the butterfly.  So I used that to spark my creative healing.  In essence I  let myself be in a chrysalis for a while.

My creative goal is to find a way to mange my feelings in a more constructive way.  I'm sure that some would like me to say a more positive way, but I'm not as keen on being the "positive" person.  I'm more inclined to build as a person who has learned from mistakes and is willing to continue being more creative.

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